Tuesday, August 9, 2011

What If…

I find myself in a strange state of reflection tonight. I learned today that my Grandmother, my Mom's mom, is close to needing Hospice care and will probably not be with us much longer. When I heard that, my immediate reaction was a human one. I got sad, upset, and perhaps a little cheated that Grandma's last years have been spent in the cloudy haze of Alzheimers. 

All my life, God has spoken to me through music. My entire life has revolved around music… singing, writing, performing, etc. I consider it to be the greatest personal gift that God blessed me to carry through life. Tonight was no different. As I drove John home from karate tonight, I finally heard Laura Story's song “Blessings” for the first time. It was as if God was sitting in the passenger seat whispering these words directly into my heart. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Perspective. Every circumstance we encounter throughout life is about perspective. Our human nature naturally tends to gravitate toward the negative in any and all situations. BUT… what if we forced ourselves to search for the lessons and blessings. What if we really allow God to speak to us in the trials and darkest moments. What peace we might have then…

As I listened to the words of the song… “What if Your blessings come through rain drops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? And what if the trials in this life are Your mercies in disguise?”… I suddenly realized the flip side of losing Grandma. She will finally be Home. She will be with my precious Grandpa once again and in the presence of our Father. We won't have to watch her suffer anymore. And above all, rather than feeling cheated these last few years, I was suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude that God has allowed me nearly 36 years with my Grandma. Thirty-six years to love her.

Suddenly, I was flooded with memories of other “mercies in disguise” that God has sent my family's way. So many times, we question “why,” “why me,” or “why now” and we forget to look beyond the difficult circumstances to see the hidden Grace. Sometimes, it's years later before we understand God's timing or His reasoning. Sometimes we are not meant to understand in this Earthly life and must trust His wisdom. But God promises us in the Bible that all things work together for good and for His glory.

It brings me so much comfort to know that I don't have to have all the answers. I don't have to have any answers. I just have to trust. And listen. I challenge you to click this LINK and listen to the words of this song. As you do, think of a circumstance in your life that God has used for His hidden grace. If you are in the midst of a storm right now, perhaps the lyrics will comfort you as well… knowing that God will bless you through the fire, if only you will be receptive to it.

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Kirsten said...

Jeni you have such a profound way with words! Everything you said & that song honestly had me in tears. Thank you so, so much for this post!

You and your family will be in my prayers.

Rebecca said...

Did you get that song from my blog post? LOL! That song is truly great. I have her whole album on my ipod and when I am making my weekly hour and half drive to the nearest Walmart, it always comes up in shuffle at the times when my soul is needing it the most. It is sad about your grandmother and it hits close to my home as well. It is always a great reminder to praise God when things are bad as well as when they are good.